29 & Not Feeling Fine

That's a lame title, we can commiserate over that, right? Lame, but accurate.

I turned 29 earlier this month and it was...a day. I went grocery shopping, cooked dinner like always, and watched Elf with my family. Watching the movie was the highlight of my day, which I otherwise spent (mostly) alone. So yeah, fun times, and a pretty accurate representation of my twenties.

Guys, I got pregnant with my daughter shortly before my 21st birthday, and soon after she was born we were gone, off to my husband's first duty-station. In Georgia. Look, sorry if you live there and love it, but we were stuck in Warner Robins, the armpit of that state.

I've not been happy lately. I try to be honest about my ongoing struggles with depression, but this is something distinctly different from depression. This unhappiness isn't chemicals bouncing around in the wrong places, it's a genuine dislike of how I've been over recent years. Who I am is not who I want to be, so I made a list:

1. I struggle with maintaining my running life, and want to challenge myself to do something that is difficult and will require me to push myself outside of comfort zones.

2. Why a signature bake? I watch a lot of Great British Baking Show with my daughter. Also, I can cook really well (self high-five), but I'm absolutely terrible at baking. My kids request certain suppers from me all the time, but never, ever ask me to bake anything. My son has eosinophilic esophagitis and is on a medically-necessary restricted diet, and I want to be able to bake something regularly that he can actually enjoy.

3. I've been on-and-off querying my novel, This is Now, for a while now, and it's not going anywhere. I've started making editorial notes and am going to start editing and revising. I really believe in this story and think that I can make it better.

4. I slacked off reading this year. According to Goodreads I've only read 34 books this year, so I'd like to bump that up a little next year. Reading is very important to me, and I want to make sure that I'm giving myself the time to do so.

5. This has been a little bumpy already. I've missed 2 days since my birthday, once for no good reason. I also missed journaling yesterday, as my son had a bad reaction to anesthesia after his endoscopy, and we spent the evening in the emergency room after a morning at the hospital. Valid. Excuse.

6. I'm starting this one this week. I tend to isolate myself when I'm feeling unhappy, and my two close friends moved away this year. Downside of living on a military base. While this isn't exactly fully interacting with people, it's definitely better than nothing.

Most of these are really about one thing: making time for myself. I don't think it's uncommon for people (OK, especially moms) to have trouble taking time for things that are important to them, and guys, I became a mom when I was really, really young. I've spent a lot of time making sure everyone else is OK, and I've not left myself with any time to make sure that I'm also doing OK.