November: The Month of Excuses

Boxes on boxes on boxes of nothing but books.

Life goes through phases. I know, this isn't revolutionary thinking or anything, but sometimes it's hard to fully grasp or even remember just how big the shift between phases is until you're in the thick of it again, saying goodbye to one part of life and hello to another.

I'm going through a phase shift now, as my husband is nearing the end of his military commitment and we're putting down roots. We're buying a house, clearing out an ungodly amount of crap that we've accumulated in the 3 1/2 years since our last move, and getting ready to officially call ourselves Arizonians. Arizonans? I should probably figure that out before I change my state of residence.

This shift has been stressful, and it's put a lot of strain on my family. I've allowed myself to make excuses for things I shouldn't.

For example, I blew off NaNo fairly early on while crying into a beer that there's too much stuff going on for me to be able to write, then watched hours of mindless television immediately afterward. After my last less-than-stellar 5k I mostly stopped running. Just...stopped. Because we won't have the extra money to sign up for more races until after we've closed on our home, and I got grumpy about it.

You get the picture. I'm an expert at making excuses.

Changes are coming as I attempt to throw out my habitual excuses. Maybe I'm just getting a head start on the New Year, but I think it's more than that. It's a realization that who I am right now is not who I want to be. I can either continue on this path as a person who is deeply unhappy with herself or her situation, or I can do the really hard thing, which is to change.

I'm still formulating the best approach to make these changes, but I know I'll be taking it slow and easy, and will do my very best to be kind to myself in the process.